i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
