I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
