Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize