I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
