she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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