I cannot find my penis.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
