and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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