the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
