the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize