he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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