I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
