Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
