Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How does one acquire holy water?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
