I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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