tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
