i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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