I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
either way he was missing a nipple.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
