My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
