So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
