i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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