i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
