your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
