good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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