you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize