Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
