Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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