I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize