my phone needs a breathalizer
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
