Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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