is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
