when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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