They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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