Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
