Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
