Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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