I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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