We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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