Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
