you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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