last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I touched a dick in church today
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
