I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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