Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
