hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize