Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
They are going to name an STD after you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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