I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I need water and some morals
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
