i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
