it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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