Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
