Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
