I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I had to cum in my sink.
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