In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
