I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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