What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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