GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
