We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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