he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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