Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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