I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
