My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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