Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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