I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize